It's the End of Our Sweet Universe
by JannP
Summary: What he couldn't understand or figure out was why Finn of all people hadn't sucked it up and gone with her. Now that he was questioning it, finding answers was a lot harder than he'd first thought. Furt oneshot, post 3X22.


**A/N: **Okay, if missing scenes could stop taking over my head/life that'd be great. I actually have other writing to do. I hope it's as fun (not the right word, but it'll do I guess) to read as it was to write? Let me know, please. I'm especially nervous when I try to characterize Kurt because so many others do it so much better than me. Inspired by **Make a Beast of Myself **by** Twin Atlantic**.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own. Don't care. Don't sue.

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**It's the End of Our Sweet Universe**

Kurt eyed the door to his brother's room speculatively. He folded his arms and tipped his head to the side. It wasn't as though he'd expected Finn to be _celebrating_ Rachel's leaving. He didn't particularly feel like celebrating it himself, he just didn't expect Finn to be hiding either. The week had been absolutely full of disappointment, heartbreak…a thousand things and most of them weren't particularly good. He felt like he was starting at square one, which he supposed on some level was the point; the biggest problem was the way he felt like he should at least have some grasp on what was next—and he didn't. He had no idea. Instead, the small rise of bitterness he'd felt and squelched for Rachel's benefit swelled a little as he thought about her. She was on a train to New York. What he couldn't understand or figure out was why Finn of all people hadn't sucked it up and gone with her.

When Finn had asked them to be waiting on the train platform to say goodbye to Rachel –why she got the fond farewell he would never completely understand because he wanted it as well—all he'd said was that she was taking a planned trip. Sure, Kurt found it odd because he was fairly certain he would've known about a planned trip of Rachel's, but he didn't question it and went.

Well, now he was questioning and finding answers was a lot harder than he'd first thought.

He didn't bother knocking, just released the latch and went right on into Finn's room. He wasn't sure if he was surprised or not to see Finn, still dressed in his dress clothes, moving around. The expanse of Finn's back was to the door and as he shuffled from side to side a little, Kurt could see what he was actually doing: unpacking. Sort of. There was the suitcase he recognized. Rachel had insisted Finn start packing for New York a full two weeks prior. He'd felt a little bittersweet listening to them argue about what should go in the bag and what should stay, almost wishing he and Blaine could be having the same conversation rather than having levels of avoidance.

He didn't know what it was, maybe the hunch of Finn's shoulders or the hiss of him breathing now and then but Kurt couldn't feel jealous or anything other than something like dread as he stood in the doorway, unacknowledged. He cleared his throat and closed the door behind him at the same time. When Finn turned, he saw what his brother was actually doing – changing bags. There was a khaki green duffle bag sitting directly next to the suitcase. Finn wasn't _unpacking_, he was changing direction. It was unsettling.

"What's going on?"

Finn's hand reached up an swiped at his face, fingertips brushing on each side before he stepped into the turn he'd done before to make it complete. It was pretty obvious he was crying and Kurt's heart dropped somewhere into his stomach; the tone of Finn's voice that was normally a smooth baritone didn't really help that either. "Nothin," he answered simply. "Just y'know…packing I guess."

Kurt folded his arms. "Packing for what? I thought we were staying here."

Finn let out an inconvenienced little noise, a breath that might've passed as a half-hearted laugh as he turned around and reached for the suitcase again. He bounced his hand in a tap-tap-tap against the edge of it before he turned back to face Kurt. "I'm not, though."

"So why the theatrics? You could've just gotten on the train with Rachel." He didn't miss the look that flashed across Finn's face before he resumed his packing activities, either. He wasn't positive what his stomach was doing, but it clenched and it was sickening. He missed whatever Finn mumbled. "Finn."

"I said I'm not going to New York," he finally said, tossing the words over his shoulder.

"Of course you are. That's the _plan_," Kurt said, stepping a little further into the room. "We're going to figure out this thing and go because it's the three of us. It's supposed to be the three of us."

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I know you've had a lot of disappointment lately. And we, um…we were pretty determined to make sure Rachel still went even though we didn't get handed the keys to the city or whatever." He wiped at his nose again and Kurt started looking for Kleenex before he really saw Finn's face and realized it wouldn't necessarily matter; the boy was a hot, teary mess and tissues were quite likely not going to solve the problem. "You should still go. You're gonna…" his breathy pause was almost painful and sounded like a groan. Kurt frowned and tightened his grip on his arms. "You're gonna be great and I'm not going to New York."

"Well you're clearly going _somewhere_."

"Georgia," Finn said. "Fort Benning. I just finished the stuff up this morning. No one else really knows and I'm fine keeping it that way."

"Wait… what? You did _what?_" Kurt stepped the last three quick step-step-steps to Finn and put his hand on Finn's arm. "You…you didn't. Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm totally serious, dude," he said with another sniffle and he nodded. "I _need_ to go."

"And what in the hell are we supposed to tell you fiancée when she gets back? She's not going to be gone forever, Finn."

Finn blinked, a long and agonized motion that just sent more tears down his face. "I'm not so sure she's my fiancée any more. I'm actually pretty sure she isn't."

Kurt took a physical step back as the words slapped him and also to give Finn room as he started to move again, shuffling clothes from one bag to the other. "What in the hell did you do?" He demanded in a low voice. His fingers curled into his arms, fighting off the effort to grab his brother and shake some sense into him. There was no answer though. "_Finn_."

Finn stopped, stood up straight and turned to look at Kurt, finally letting the words out in one, long rush. "She thought we were going to get married this afternoon. She didn't know about the train. I told her I can't marry her right now and sent her on her way. She belongs there. Not here with me."

"Yes," Kurt said, metering the words carefully as panic flipped through his mind. He didn't want them to get _married_ but God, he didn't want them to _break up_ either. "We discussed that she belonged in New York. We agreed to work together to convince her she could go if we weren't and that we would join her later," he explained patiently. "She was still supposed to have the choice, though. She loves you."

"Yeah well…" he sniffled again and brought his fingers together to fidget with the button on the jacket he still had on. "I'm not necessarily sure that's true right now, either."

"Okay," Kurt said, turning to sit down on the edge of Finn's bed. "Start connecting those dots for me."

Finn shook his head. "There are no _dots_," he scoffs. "She probably hates me and maybe she should, I don't know. But I can't go to New York. I can't…I have to go figure out how to live with what happened to my Dad. He did all this _stuff_…like all this really important stuff and I can't even get into college. I can't…" his breathing was so frantic as he pinched at the bridge of his nose that Kurt _almost_ felt bad.

"You enlisted in some sick and twisted attempt to follow in your dead father's footsteps? I thought you were over all of this _months_ ago, Finn. You made _promises_ to her and to me and now you're just _leaving_? Do you have a death wish I'm somehow unaware of?"

"It's not about that," he barely got out. "It's about proving to myself I can do _anything_ worthwhile."

Kurt wasn't sure which emotion was winning the tug-of-war inside him—anger, indignation, frustration, worry… all of it was there and fighting. "You've been arguing for a long time now that 'anything worthwhile' was marrying Rachel."

Finn shook his head, bursting out angrily and gesturing with his hand. "She was going to stay here, Kurt! She wouldn't go without me! What in the hell was supposed to do? She _has_ to be in New York and she used to know that and I can get her there but I can't… I can't carry her. Not when I'm drowning myself. She doesn't _need_ me, she just thinks she does. She needs the freedom to live her life."

"God, please tell me you didn't say any of this to her and then put her on a _train_ so you won't be here when she returns." Kurt shook his head, his eyes flashing as he stood. "That is so messed up. When we talked about doing anything to get her to New York, I didn't think you would do _this_."

"What, set her free to live her life instead of tying her down with an obligation she doesn't actually _want?" _

"What about you?" Kurt demanded. "What about me?"

Finn shook his head. "What about me? I love her. I want her to be happy. Same goes for you, dude. You have so many things you can do there and I just…don't fit. I don't fit into any of that right now."

"What about Carole? You said no one knows except presumably Rachel. Does your mother know about any of this?"

Finn licked his lips and nodded. "She knows I've been trying to figure it all out, that I don't feel like I've done enough to satisfy my dad's sacrifices."

"But does she know about the rest?"

Finn shook his head.

"You're either noble and self-sacrificing or a completely insane. I don't know which." Kurt tilted his head. "Maybe some of all three. I cannot believe you did this, Finn. I'm so…"

"Mad? Annoyed?"

"I thought we were brothers," he said. "I'm disappointed in you. You could've told me any of this before. Maybe I could've helped you avoid the worst decision of your life—which is saying a _lot_."

"Thanks," Finn argued, his voice offended. He zipped the mostly-full duffel bag and hefted it to the floor.

"You know, you probably broke my best friend's heart," he pointed out. "I should kick your ass." His eyes swept over his brother and he sighed. "But I kinda think you're probably taking care of that on your own." He frowned. "Are you okay?"

Finn shook his head. "No, but I will be. So will she." He shrugged and looked at Kurt, the pucker of his lips crinkling his chin and making him look more certain. "She has you to help her."

Kurt just nodded. "New York won't be right without you, you know."

He echoed his brother's nod. "Sorry, man."

Kurt tilted his head. "Why do I think that's only partway true?"

Finn looked down at the nearly empty suitcase on his bed. "Because I'll make it right," he said. He nodded. "I don't know how, but I think, like, in general maybe that's my job."

His phone rang, buzzing in his jeans pocket and he took it out to look at who was calling; he half-hoped it would be Rachel and half-hoped it wasn't. "The thing is though Finn? It's really not. You've just never been able to accept that."

Finn turned to sit on his bed, looking every inch as worn out as he probably should and Kurt greeted his boyfriend. "Hey, honey. You are _never_ going to believe what I just found out…"

Kurt shut the door behind him as he went and Finn watched it close. He felt like he was starting at square one, which he supposed on some level was the point; the biggest problem was the way he felt like he should at least have some grasp on what was next—and he didn't. He had no idea. He also wasn't entirely sure why he kept being only half-honest with everyone he cared about. All he knew was that closed door? It felt pretty damn suffocating and he needed to find a way to breathe. It was a lot harder than he'd first thought.


End file.
